Ouchies,
The disclosure: You probably don't want to read this post. (I say that a lot, yes?) It's one of those posts where I over-share. Again. Surely we're all used to that to that by now....? Whatever. Those with sensitive or *snort* anal dispositions, read at your own risk. So on and so forth. Yadda yadda yadda.
In fact, to avoid any further possible embarrassment to anyone concerned (myself especially). I am going to write the rest of this post in a teeny, tiny little voice. And maybe no one will hear it at all....
You may have noticed me bitching and whinging on Twitter last week about being in horrible, agonizing, debilitating constant pain. A bit much, you say? Surely Lori is exaggerating (again)? Yes? Well, no...
You know what's really, really painful?
Well... *ahem*... hemorrhoids.
You know what's even more painful...?
Infected hemorrhoids.
And you know what's even worse than that?
Infected hemorrhoids with a thrombosis (Google it- I dare you.)
Could it get any worse...?
Well, yes, actually, it could. When, by some bizarre law of that-is-really-fucked-upedness, you could also get a boil on your butt cheek.
Not even joking.
And, why, let's throw Aunt Flo into the ring (so to speak). Bitch. For the first time in almost two years.
And what could possible get more embarrassing that all of that put together? More embarrassing than multiple doctors visits that required rubber gloves....?
You guessed it. An energetic, loud and undeniably cute two year old, bouncing around the packed doctor's waiting room, singing at the top of his little lungs,
"Mummy's got a sore bum! Mummy's got a sore bum!"
Oh yeah. Last week kinda sucked. Things still kinda suck. And it still hurts- a lot- but on the bright side, at least now I can actually sit down and blog without bursting into tears. Just as long as I have my comfy rubber donut ring. (Stop laughing at me, OK? I can hear you all from here.)