As those of you who follow me on Twitter would know, I love a good nanna nap. A few hours sleep during the day... it's like heaven.
I'm not sure why.
I am so tired, most days. It doesn't matter how many hours I have slept the night before. Come midday, when my daughter naps, I am so tired I can't stop yawning, my eyes watering with tired tears each time I do.
Day sleeps are lovely. Not just the sleeping itself, but the lead up to it... my house, quiet and peaceful, being made neat and tidy by my hands. a cigarette, and then curling up in my warm bed, slatted sunlight showing through the blinds.
It's never difficult for me to fall asleep during the day, the way it is at night. Again, I don't know why. But my mind sings melullabies and tells me everything is just fine, and I drift off in seconds.
It's on waking that things feel out of place. I spend the rest of the day of kilter, out of balance... feeling not quite right. I drinkless endless cups of tea, and still I feel foggy, half asleep.
It's been so difficult to resist the pleasure of a day sleep, even when it's tepered with feeling like one of the walking dead in the aftermath. It's getting much, much easier though- my son has, at three and a half, just given up his own day nap, so my sleep time is limited- twice a week, when my son is in daycare.
It's not really the sleep I'm after, I don't think... It's more the oblivion, the dark warmness where I don't have to think.
Being awake... it's just more time spent in reality. And reality is difficult.