Super Sonic   +  the terrifying world of internet dating

Internet Dating 102- First Dates

First dates are horrible.

I am racked with nerves, insecure and shy. I don't know what to wear, what to say... I plan in my head, how it will go, and I get it all wrong.

I am too freaking old for this.

But this is too grown up for me, playing dress ups in heels and pretending to be an adult.

My heart thumps unevenly and I sweat profusely... I stink of nerves and adrenalin. My hands shake.

I am out of my depth.... in an apartment that my children would destroy in thirty seconds. Eating a simplified version of food far too rich for me. Turning down wine and offerings of chocolate.

Lori, first date style.

There is no spark here... nice enough, but no desire to rip this man clothes off and taste whats underneath. There are no butterflies peaking in my stomach... the nerves I felt to begin with have been replaced by a cold, stale disappointment that smells of the remnants of that animal sweat.

I want to go home.

***

Dating intensifies the biting ache I feel for my husband.

Dating is fun... but it's noweher near as fun as anything was with Tony.

I still haven't met anyone who can make me laugh like he could.

***

The awesome Oldie asked me the other day... do I really need to be looking to date? Aren't I a whole person, just the way I am...?

Damn straight I am. And that's why, I think, I'd like somebody to share me with.

I'm pretty cool... and I am so damn self actualised after the last few months of mindfulness and therapy that I am, sometimes, quite sick of my own head.

Living is for sharing. As I said in my last post, I believe that life is love... having someone to cuddle, someone to laugh with, someone who knows you and cares about your more than anyone else in the world; and who feels that way because they choose to, not because they are obligated to by any blood or marriage relations... that's a very special thing.

That's the jellybeans in the lolly jar of life.

And it's worth searching for.

***
C'mon, anonymous.... I'm still waiting.

Someone else may beat you to it.

And on that note... any emails, always welcome. If you know what I mean.