Super Sonic   +  the terrifying world of internet dating

Won't Somebody Think of The Children?

An 'anonymous' commenter- who wasn't really anonymous, in that she left her name as Mrs C and send me a private email later on, ruffled a few jellybeans here on RRSAHM the other day.

I know some people were offended by her comment. I wasn't. It takes a lot to rub me the wrong way.


A few people have already said what I am thinking (and I will even be brave enough to say I think like the 'over 50' that I am).
Loneliness is horrible. Grief is devastating and a caring for a young family on your own is - well a nightmare!
But please, please be very careful about putting your 'needs' ahead of the kids at this very delicate time.
I understand (sort of) about your situation and why you want to move on, but a new relationship has to be very, very carefully monitored and casual ones even more so.
As much as it must feel unfair, lonely, overwhelming and every other word you want to use, your children must not be asked to 'share' you with another person. Yet.
Also, it is very likely that your children's affection maybe manipulated as the way to your heart. Listen to them all the way.
In my (sadly, too long experience) there are very few men that can fully accept another man's children as benevolently as we would like.
As stated, Mrs C is in the Baby Boomer generation. I think this is a fairly common belief amongst the older generation- I know my nan certainly believes the same- that it's nearly impossible to begin a new relationship with a new man where your children really do come first, where they are as important to the other partner as they are to you.

As Mrs C explained in her email, she knows I wouldn't intentionally neglect my kids. I guess it's just that sometimes other things seem to become more important. Your kids are a given, a take-for-granted... finding love is not.

I've seen it happen often enough, and it is sad. And I remember the feeling when, at 14, my mum found a new boyfriend- I was jealous and angry, felt alone and abondoned.

I put a lot of guilt on her, as you do when you're fourteen years old. I'll never forget the way she told me, "Lori... I need to be happy. I can put you first and still find someone for me."

I'm glad she did. I'm glad she stuck to it... fifteen years later, her and Farmer Pete are happy as can be, and I consider him just like my dad.

It's just part of life today, of society... families blend and meld, there are step relations, half siblings and cousins by marriage everywhere. It's OK. It's not perfect- nothing about the high divorce rate is even close to perfect- but it happens.

As I've blogged before... life is love. I want that. I don't want to live a life where I sacrifice something that makes me feel complete for my children's supposed happiness.

I'm a believer in happy mum, happy kids. I know, that sounds like a cop out... but it's true. It's not an excuse to leave your kids with your mum while you go out every weekend, or drop them like inconveniences whenever a boyfriend comes first. Their feelings come first, their need and their emotions.

But in between all of that, all that consideration for my kids and their well being... there is room for me there too. There is room to do what I want to do, what I need to do... room to chase my heart, and still raise happy children.

I'm sure of it.